Bears for Claire

Jessica and I are going to be having two adoption fund-raisers this fall to help us cover the costs of our travel to Taiwan to bring Claire home.   Airfare could be as high as $10,000 due to the fact that we'll only have 7-14 days notice before we have to travel.  We've been able to cover our expenses up until now but that daunting total has left us needing to get creative and so, we are excited to present... Bears for Claire

Here's how it works:  Make a donation to our adoption fund and you will receive a "Bear for Claire".  For $5.00 you get one bear, for $10.00 you get three bears, and for $25.00 you get eight bears!   Each bear enters you to win one of over 20 prizes.   We have had some AWESOME prizes donated including: 

* A BRAND NEW NINTENDO WII! 

* Free Chick Fil-A for a Year!

* Tennessee Football Tickets (box seats) 

* A prize package from the Food Network and HGTV

* A prize package from Love 89.1 Radio

* Regal Cinemas Movie Tickets

* Many more!  Over 20 prizes!

The drawing will be held on Sunday, August 30th at 7:00 PM.  We'll actually be webcasting the drawing so people can watch live.  

For all the information you need to participate in our fundraiser, and to purchase you chances to win the Wii and other prizes, please visit: 

www.bearsforclaire.blogspot.com

July 18th, 2009.

(From Greg)

As I write this here in East Tennessee at 11:00 in the morning, on the other side of the world the clock has rolled over and a new day has begun in Taiwan. It is July the 18th and at some point today my daughter Claire will turn two years old.

I was born on October 30th, 1974 a little after 7:00 in the morning. I know this because for years my mom would call me early in the morning on my birthday every year and give me the old "do you know what I was doing at this time 27 years ago???" line. I never knew what to say... "Um... I give up. Were you screaming and cussing out dad?"

Smart alec answers aside, I always appreciated my mom's early morning calls on my birthday... it told me how much she loved me and that not only was the day of my birth worth celebrating but even the moment of my birth was worth remembering. Sure, it's a small thing but a large collection of small things is how a person comes to know that they are loved.

I will probably never know the exact moment of Claire's birth. I'll never know if it was morning, afternoon, or evening... if the sky was sunny or clouded... who witnessed her emergence into this world... what her first moments with her birth mother were like... these things will remain a mystery to me. Adoption is a wonderful thing with a lot to celebrate but there is plenty to mourn as well. When our daughter comes home it will be easy to focus on all that we have gained... but let us not forget all we have lost.

Claire has now lived two years of her life being bounced around between orphanages and a foster home. As far as she can tell, she has no mother and no father... just caregivers who randomly seem to come and go. Hopefully they are kind to her. I wonder if she loves them... I wonder if they love her. I wonder when she spoke her first word and what it was. Did anyone even hear? Did anyone care? When she took her first steps, did anyone even notice?
I'm thinking of all of the treasured moments of Connor's first two years of life... first words, first laughs, learning to crawl and then walk, his first time going down a slide, and his first time dipping his toes in the ocean. I cherish every one of those memories. I know that a lifetime of memories with Claire are ahead of us as well and I know that there is so much joy to come but that future joy for now is tinged with the sadness of all that we have lost.
Even as I sit here now and think about these things, I have to remember that for as much as I have lost, Claire will have lost even more. As our plane lifts off from Taiwan to journey over the ocean and back home to Tennessee, our little girl will be saying goodbye to every single thing she has ever known. Her friends... her caregivers... her bed... her favorite foods... her language... her homeland... gone.

I don't know what our first days with our new daughter will be like but I do know that she is going to be grieving all that she has lost. I don't know how she is going to do this... some adopted children rage and lash out while others simply withdraw and go quiet. Who could blame them? I am praying even now that we will be equipped to comfort her... to help her through the transition into her new life. How will we do this.... the words of comfort she would understand can only be spoken in a language we do not know. God grant us patience, peace, and wisdom.

So, today my daughter turns two. I have no idea what this day will hold for her... I like to imagine that her foster family in Taiwan will have a celebration. Maybe some of her friends from pre-school will come over and there will be cake and ice cream... perhaps they will sing a song to her and she will end up with icing all over her face. Maybe she will celebrate... or maybe it will be just another day. Like so many other things, I will probably never know.

Here in Tennessee, we celebrated Claire's birthday by having a garage sale. We've spent the last week emptying closets and drawers... shelves and storage tubs. I've never seen so much stuff in our garage and hopefully all of it will be sold. All of the money we make today is going towards buying Claire's bedroom furniture. Connor is sitting at a table selling brownies and drinks with a sign that says "Snacks for my Sissy". Claire is heavy on all of our minds today but we're keeping busy... moving forward... wading our way through this wait the only way we know how. We're a little sad but also incredibly hopeful and excited. We know that next year we will celebrate this day very differently. It's going to be an incredible party... we'll have a lot of lost time to make up for. I can't wait.

Adoption Fundraiser - Family Songs Sampler

Greg writing here...

What you see above is an album of original songs I have put together called "Family Songs Sampler". It's a collection of songs from 3 of my albums, plus a couple of early home demos. All of the songs in this collection are about family... there are love songs, songs about being a parent, even a song I recorded about adoption (the great Julie Miller song "By Way of Sorrow"). As I've played shows all over the place these past few years, without exception these songs have been the most popular.


Just click on the widget above and you will be given the opportunity to download this entire collection of songs. Noisetrade (the company I'm using to create the widget) gives you the option to either email 5 friends about the music or to make a paypal donation. Any amount is fine... from $1 to $25 and all points in between. We receive 90% of that and we'll be putting every penny of it towards our adoption.

To be clear, you can either make a donation or email 5 friends to let them know about the music so if you want the music for free, you can do that.

Anyway, I'm not super comfortable with the whole fundraising idea... I'd rather have a garage sale. But if you're so inclined, please download the music and either make a small donation or help us to spread the word. Thanks.

Adoption Frequently Asked Questions - Post Referral Edition

So now that we have received our referral and we know that Claire will be coming home soon, I figured I would take this opportunity to answer a few more of our most frequently asked questions. You can read the original post here.

When will you bring Claire home? There's really no way to know an exact answer to that question. Best case scenario would be October and the worst case scenario would be more like February or March.

Why does it take so long? After receiving our referral on June 18th, we had to sign and date about 7 pages worth of adoption contracts. Those had to be sent to Kansas (where our agency is) and then to Taiwan. Taiwan then sent us a bunch of documents that we had to sign and have notarized and then state certified (which required a trip to Nashville) and those documents are currently at the TECO office in Atlanta which is basically the Taiwanese embassy. Once those documents make their way back to Taiwan we will go into the court system. We'll have an initial hearing where the judge will be presented all of our documents and a social worker acting on our behalf in Taiwan will request permission for us to adopt. From there it's a 10 day waiting period for birth parents to sign off on everything. Then, whenever the judge gets around to it you'll either get a ruling or he'll request more information. I don't know exactly how the system works but it seems like it can either go really quick or really slow... luck of the draw I guess. Once the judge grants a ruling, they'll make an appointment for us to take Claire to get a Visa and that will be our travel date... it's usually about 3-4 weeks after the final ruling.

Where is Claire right now? Claire is in a foster home in Taiwan. She was in an orphanage until April but at that point she moved to foster care. We're excited about this as it means she is more than likely receiving more attention and care. She's even attending preschool!

How were you matched with Claire? Was it random? Did you choose her? Claire's birth mother decided to place Claire for international adoption in late April and then in mid May, they presented her with several potential families and the birth mother chose us. She has requested that we send her 20 pictures and a short video every year for 15 years which we think is great. She will send cards every year on Claire's birthday and at Chinese New Year.

Will we be able to communicate with Claire while we wait? Unfortunately, no. Due to cultural and language barriers, waiting families usually don't communicate with foster families which I can understand. The good news is that we will be able to send her care packages if we like... we're working on getting the first one together now and we're hoping to send it out soon so it will get to her around the time of her birthday (she'll be 2 on July 18th).

What is Claire's name right now? Hsiang-Ting Hung but everyone calls her Mei-Mei.

Will she be able to speak English? We don't know for sure but almost certainly the answer will be no. Obviously this will be challenging at first but based on everything we've read, she should be able to pick up English at an astonishing rate due to her age.

Won't she be so excited to come home to her forever family? I'll post more in depth on this topic later but in short, probably not at first. Claire has grown up around Taiwanese people (mostly women)... and now she's going to be put in the hands of 2 strangers who don't speak her language, who smell funny to her, who don't know how to make her favorite foods, and who look unusual. Most likely, she'll spend a few days freaking completely out! Think about what your child would have done if at 2 and a half years old you sent them to live in Taiwan with strangers... it's going to be an adjustment for sure! There are lots of tricky things to think of here... attachment issues and things like that and I'll probably post more about it later. I'm reading some books on it and trying to educate myself and once I feel like I know a little more I'll write a bit about it.

She's so cute! I bet you can't wait to get her home! You're right! She's adorable and no, we cannot wait to bring her home! These next few months will be excruciating... we have a lot to do though... a room to paint and a nursery to put together so hopefully those things will keep us busy as we wait.

My Babies!

New Pictures of Claire at 22 months

We were so fortunate to receive several more recent pictures of our daughter Claire this morning. I believe these pictures were taken around the time she was 22 months old (she's 23 months old right now). We already love her so much... with each new picture we receive our hearts melt just a little bit more. She got her hair cut short, but it's so stinking cute! Check these out!



How on earth are we going to wait 7 or 8 months to bring this little angel home? Seriously folks... the waiting before was hard... this is going to be almost unbearable. Knowing our daughter is growing up without us... there's just no way for that not to be gut wrenching. We're so thankful to have all of these pictures though... many families who adopt internationally only get one or two pictures and we have well over 20 right now, plus some video. Our adoption agency has been absolutely unbelievably awesome.

Introducing Claire Elizabeth Adkins

Here she is world, after 14 months and 1 week of waiting for a referral! We got the call yesterday morning and have been in constant prayer that God would grant us a peace to say "yes" if this was our Claire! We had originally said we would accept 0-12 months only, and Claire will be 2 next month, so this was not what we were expecting at all. After wrapping our heads around the fact that God's plans were not our plans, this evening we knew we were supposed to say yes, and a couple of hours later were able to get several pictures of our new baby girl!

There is a story to tell of how God showed his hand in all of this, but I'm so overwhelmed right now, I can't even begin to put it into words. I do know that now the hard part begins. Knowing who she is, seeing her face, and not being able to be with her! It will be several months before we can bring her home, so please keep us in prayer.

God is good. God is faithful. God keeps his promises.

Seattle/Vancouver Trip

Greg and I were able to get away on our own last week and explore Seattle and Vancouver. We had been to Seattle about six years ago during our 3-week trip out west, and loved it so much we were eager to go back. We wanted to go into Vancouver then, but the rental car company charged double if you left the country, so we decided to stick to the states. We were really excited to finally make it up there this time.

We flew into Seattle early Thursday morning and checked into the hotel. We ate a yummy lunch at Cheesecake Factory, explored Pike Place Market, looked at the beautiful flowers, ate some yummy cherries, and of course I made Greg take me to the original Starbucks. We went back to the hotel to rest, and ended up falling asleep way early (like 6:30 Seattle time, 9:30 our time.) It's those Sheraton beds! They are the best. We were also running on two hours of sleep and had been up since 3:30!

Friday we had breakfast by the water, and took a land/water tour of Seattle called, "Ride the Ducks." It was super fun. The tour vehicle turned into a boat and we got to see Seattle from the lake. We saw the house from "Sleepless in Seattle" and I also got to see Seattle Grace Hospital (for all you Grey's Anatomy fans), which is actually Fisher Plaza, not a hospital! After exploring Seattle a little more, we drove to Olympia, Washington for Greg's show, and ended up spending the night in a beautiful mansion on the Puget Sound.

Saturday we were treated to a yummy breakfast, and hung out until early afternoon at the house we stayed in. We then ate Thai food, and walked around Olympia. Greg had another show that night, and we drove back to Seattle pretty late. When we got back to Seattle, the hotel we were staying in was so busy, and we had to wait for our room to be cleaned, even though it was 10:30 at night! Apparently the desk clerk had been getting yelled at all night for them being so busy, but my sweet hubby was so nice about it that they upgraded our room to a beautiful "Executive Corner Suite" and gave us free room service breakfasts every morning we were there. The room was on corner overlooking the city, most of the walls were windows! It was such a great view! See...it's better to be nice than mean!

Sunday, we got up early and ate at Seattle's very own, Top Pot Doughnuts then we attended Mars Hill Church and heard Marc Driscoll teach. It was wonderful! After church we wandered around a market in Fremont and ate at a yummy Greek restaurant. We headed over to Ballard Locks to see the fish ladder and watch salmon swim upstream. It was so weird to watch them swim against the current, and sad! They barely got anywhere in the 30 minutes we watched them. What a sad life, to fight against the current for miles and miles just to get where you're going and die. Sniff...sniff! We explored the Seattle waterfront Sunday evening and went back to take a nap before dinner, and once again ended up falling asleep. We ended up waking up at 10 p.m. and had to order room service. The time adjustment was hard on us!

Monday, we got up early and ordered a yummy room service breakfast and headed into Vancouver up in Canada. We rented bikes and rode around Stanley Park, a huge, beautiful park right on the water. We saw hundreds of starfish all over the shore. It was an amazing sight! After biking, we headed to lunch and then drove around Vancouver. We ended up in a park with one of the most beautiful views of mountains that I've ever seen. It rivaled Glacier National Park, which to me is the most beautiful place I've seen! We then drove up a mountain near where the Winter Olympics will be and looked down on an amazing view of Vancouver. We were exhausted and headed back to Seattle pretty early to get all of our stuff packed up.

We made it home late Tuesday night after a crazy flight from Seattle to Memphis. Apparently there was a tornado over Kansas, which made for a very rough ride home! I'm already terrified of flying, despite of how often I seem to be flying lately, so I pretty much squeezed Greg's hand and prayed until we hit the ground in Memphis. Thankfully Memphis to Knoxville was short and smooth!

We had a great trip, but we missed Connor so much! We kept saying how much he would've loved everything we did, and regretted him not being there with us, although it's always good to get away alone. We are definitely looking forward to our family trip to the beach next weekend!!

We're Still Here!

I guess we kind of fell off the face of the blog world lately. Things here have been so busy, so much going on! The end of the school year is always insane, and I've been a little under the weather too. The good news is, the school year is over and I'm finally feeling better, so maybe life can return to normal. We've been trying to kick off the summer with a little fun. We've done the Dollywood thing, seen "Up" (fabulous!), hung out a lot downtown, gone to the Reading Festival, played a lot outside, and tomorrow we'll head to Nana and Granddaddy's for our first swim of the summer! We also have been in the process of updating a bunch of our adoption paperwork (it's that time!) and had our annual home visit with our social worker on Tuesday. Apparently we still appear to be suitable parents. : )

Greg and I head to Seattle on Thursday morning, catching an early morning flight. We'll spend several days there and will head up to Vancouver for a day as well. It's fun when someone likes your hubby's music so much that they fly him across the country for a couple of shows, and you get to tag along! We plan to visit some of the places we saw last time, actually go up the Space Needle this time, do a little biking and whale watching, and then explore Vancouver for the first time. It will be fun to spend some time away, just the two of us. Then just a few days after our getaway, we'll make our annual trip down to St. Augustine, which is quite honestly my favorite week of the entire year. We have so much fun and do some serious relaxing! I'm curious to see how many sharks we can catch this year, and I think we'll all be sticking a little closer to shore thanks to last year's shark experience!

I'll try to do a better job of keeping up, as I enjoy my paid 10 week vacation. Yes, my job rules!

What I Learned Last Week

Saturday was the official one year mark of waiting for Claire, but really this month marks two years of waiting. We decided to adopt in April of '07, with the intention of adopting from China, but then switching to Taiwan in November of '08 to avoid a long wait. China's wait is still ridiculous, but we definitely haven't avoided the long wait.

Last week was for sure, one of the most difficult weeks of my 30 years. We found out Monday that our file had been shown to a birthmother, and that she hadn't chosen us. We also found out that another couple from our agency in our program got a referral. While we are joyful that there is movement in our program, and our file is actively being shown, it was still hard to not be the one getting the referral. I pretty much fell apart on Monday morning, and have slowly put the pieces back together over the past week. I think I'm better now, I'm just so exhausted, and it's not shocking that I have a horrible migraine today. But, I did learn a few things this past week...some adoption related and some not:

1. I have an amazing husband who pushes me and sticks by me when I want to give up. He never lets me get away with anything, and it makes me so mad sometimes. He knows what I'm capable of and the deepest desires of my heart, and he never lets me settle for anything less.

2. I have the sweetest little boy! He told me all week that he was "taking care of me" because I was having a hard week. He also now holds doors for me and any ladies he sees while we're out. He always says, "Ladies first!" It cracks me up! I ran into a former student last week, and Connor just randomly sticks out his hand and shakes the little boy's hand and says, "Nice to meet ya!" Hilarious! He has his moments, he gets a little wound up, but he truly is a really, really great kid!

3. Enrolling your baby for Kindergarten is horrible! You better believe that I teared up right there in that school office! It can't be time!

4. Apparently my hip, knees, and ankles are shot at the ripe ole' age of 30! I started physical therapy for sciatic nerve pain that has been appearing off and on since August. So it seems that being super flexible was beneficial for dancing most of my life, and not so much as I'm getting older. I was told to stop running which totally stinks, because I was shaving time off my mile like crazy and was planning on running a 5K soon. My PT says I might be able to start running again if we can get everything strengthened up. It's a fun day when your therapist brings over other therapists to look at your range of motion, your knees, and your ankles, and they all exclaim, "Wow!"

5. There is NEVER a reason to pay full price for any toiletry item, paper product, cleaning product, etc. if you will just clip coupons from your Sunday paper and watch the sales ads. This week I got all these items for free or under $1: Toothpaste, deoderant, Glade Plug-Ins, various cleaning products, papertowels, washing detergent, razors, etc. etc. etc. I also bought two weeks worth of groceries for $100 and used $40 in coupons!

6. I am ready for a new house! I'm ready for a bigger yard for my kids to run around in! Hopefully the economy starts looking up soon, so we can possibly move in the next two years! I'm ready to be where we're going to be for the next 20 years, and that is definitely not here!

7. I don't know why we were asked to adopt. I don't know why I didn't feel led to just get pregnant two years ago when we wanted to add to our family. I don't know why we've been asked to have our children 6 years or more apart. I don't like not knowing why, and I certainly don't like not getting my way! I do know that I can't wait for the day I get my baby girl's picture and I know the answers to all of those questions!

8. God is real, his timing is definitely not our timing, and you can hate it all you want, but there is nothing you can do but trust.

Finally Found Claire's Nursery!!!!

I have two things for Claire! I have a precious sweater made by her Mimi, and I have a baby sling. That's it! I haven't allowed myself to buy anything, because it just makes it so hard having all of it around while you are waiting. I told myself that once we hit the one year mark, I'd slowly begin to get some things here and there. I know it's strange, but I guess when you're in this position, you just do as many things as you can to make it easier! We're hitting the one year mark on Saturday, so I had to announce to Greg last night that the shopping will now begin!!

Although I haven't bought anything, I've been looking for Claire's nursery for over a year! I have not been able to find anything that I just love until yesterday! I thought I'd look on the internet on my lunch break, and I can't believe that I found it! It is exactly what I've been looking for, simple and calming...and to top it all off it's monogrammed, and if you know me, you know I adore monogramming! We have to update our homestudy in the Fall, and I'd like to send a new picture book since the pictures they have will be two years old at that point. I'd love to include a picture of her nursery with it! Looks like I've found my summer project!

Adoption Frequently Asked Questions

Greg again.......



I read one of these on another adoption blog and thought it might be useful for us to have one of these since we get asked a lot of the same questions over and over. Please know, we don't mind you asking and we love talking about our adoption so if you've asked one of these questions, please don't feel like it annoyed us... not at all. We just wanted to put all of these answers in one place.

Why are you adopting from Taiwan?
Our original plan was to adopt from China. Unfortunately as we learned more and more about the China adoption process, it became evident to us that we needed to look in another direction. Wait times in China have gone to over 5 years from start of process to referral (and 5 years is being kind based on the current speed... if they maintain the pace they've had for the past year it would be a 9 year wait). We looked into Taiwan, Nepal, Vietnam, and Korea. After looking over all of them, we felt like Taiwan was the best fit for our family. After visiting Taiwan last December, that decision was 100% confirmed... we fell in love with Taiwan... it feels like home.

When will Claire be here?
We wish we knew! We "officially" got in line on April 11th, 2008. From that date, we were told 18-24 months until referral. That's just a guess... not a guarantee. Some families are currently waiting much longer than that... some less. After referral, it will take anywhere from 4-8 more months before all of the paperwork and court proceedings will be finished. So the soonest we would hope to have Claire home would be early 2010 and the longest would be mid to late 2011. We're praying for early 2010.

How old will Claire be when she comes home?
Good question... when we get the referral she will be anywhere from 2 months to a year old. The average wait to travel is about 6 months so the youngest she would be is probably 8 months and the oldest is about 18. We're really, really hoping for younger. Obviously the older she gets, the more challenging the adjustment period will be.

How will you be matched with Claire?
Almost every country has a different process... I've been surprised at the number of people who think there is a catalog full of babies and we just pick one out. They're confusing that with mail order brides. At Cathwel, the orphanage we are working with in Taiwan, they work with the birth mother to place their child with a family the birth mother is comfortable with. At some point, a birth mom who has just had a little girl will be presented with 4 or 5 families to choose from. Every family has provided a detailed home study, a picture album, and a short one page letter to the birth mother. At some point God willing, our file will be presented and a birth mother will choose us.

Can you guys not just have another kid on your own?
As far as we know, we can. We had Connor without too much trouble and there is no medical issue keeping us from having another child. We have chosen to adopt because we believe it is something God has called us to do. Jessica and I both have felt called to deeper service and when we looked at the world we realized that there were a million problems we didn't have the means to solve but taking in an orphan was something we could do. As far as we're concerned, Claire is already a part of her family... we just haven't met her yet.

How much is this going to cost?
Wow... getting a bit personal aren't you? Well, since you asked I don't mind talking about it. I'll break it down:

* Homestudy - $1000
* Application fee - $200
* Agency fees - $2500
* Homeland Security paperwork (I-600A) - $700
* Various paperwork and up front fees - about $1000
* Orphanage / Taiwan court fees - $10,000
* Travel expenses - $5000

Out of that, we've already spent close to $5000. All we really have coming up is our orphanage fee which we'll pay upon referral... that will be $10,000 all in one chunk. 4-6 months after that we will have to pay to travel... along with an extra plane ticket home for Claire. Grant total... about 20,000. We also took a trip to Taiwan already which set us back about $4,000. So when it's all said and done, this process will be nearly $25,000.

Greg's a pastor, Jessica's a teacher... how can you afford that?
There's a very simple answer to that... we rob liquor stores. Okay, not really... there are two simple answers though. (1) Dave Ramsey. Seriously... do his system. It works. We're almost out of debt and our finances have never been better, even with the economy being so horrible. Ramsey is the man. (2) God will provide. When we started this, we KNEW we couldn't afford it. We still can't... but God has made a way. When we needed $2500 for our agency fee, we didn't have it... until we got a completely unexpected gift from my sweet grandmother. We couldn't afford our trip to Taiwan... until I was hired to design a website which paid for our entire hotel bill for the week we were there. There have been a lot of little things like that... things that just fall into our laps at just the right time. We're currently saving the $10,000 for our orphanage fee. We're nowhere close and I'm not real sure where it's going to come from but I know it will be there. We said it when we started and we'll say it now... if God asked us to do this (and we believe he did), then He will make sure we can pay for it. I still don't know how that's going to work, but so far, it has.

How long will you be in Taiwan when you go to get Claire?
Taiwan only requires that we be there about a week. Once we arrive in Taipei, we'll probably be able to pick up Claire the very next day. We'll have a couple of court appointments that week and after that we can come home.

Will Connor go with you?
If he's six, no. If he's eight, probably.

Okay... that's all the questions I could think of... if you have any other questions you've been wondering about but didn't want to ask, now's your chance. Just leave them in the comments and I'll update this post to include your questions.

Adoption Update

Greg writing........

This coming Saturday is a big day in our adoption wait... this Saturday will be April 11th which will mark 1 year of waiting from our initial log-in date at Cathwel Services where we will be adopting from in Taiwan. When we started this process, we were told it would take us 18-24 months to get a referral (a referral is when we are matched with a child in Taiwan... we'll get pictures and a short video of the child) and then another 4-8 months after that before all of the court processes and paperwork would be finished so we could go and bring her home.

I'll be honest... these 12 months have not been all that difficult... until recently. There is one great discourager for those waiting for adoptions and I've been guilty of drinking from that fountain a bit too often lately... I'm talking about internet adoption forums.

Over on the Taiwan adoption groups, it seems that many people who were told 18-24 months (by different agencies... not ours) have now been waiting well beyond 24 months... some as many as 30-31 months and still don't have a referral. If you were in my shoes, this would be incredibly discouraging to you... you kind of prepare yourself for how long you think you can wait and 24 months to us is an eternity... the thought of waiting longer than that is almost unbearable.

What makes it so tough is that we're watching Connor grow up before our eyes. He's 5 years old now... if our wait stretches to the worst case scenario of let's say 36 months... add 6 months before we travel and that's 42 months... 30 months from now. Connor will be about to turn 8. That's not what we had in mind for our family. We realized that our kids were going to be pretty far apart but the thought of it going any further than we had originally anticipated is tough to swallow.

So yeah... lately the wait has been weighing heavily on us. It's so hard not knowing how long it's going to be... and knowing that some people out there are waiting 30 months plus is heartbreaking. I won't lie... we've thought about just trying to get pregnant and dropping out of the program.

However... God has a way of giving hope to the hopeless and I believe that came to us today. We found out this morning that another family from our agency received a healthy infant girl referral this past Friday... they waited only 8 months... the little girl is 2 months old. That's pretty huge... the biggest part of that news is that we found out that our dossier has been shown to a birth mother at least once. We weren't chosen, but we were presented. We didn't expect this to happen for many more months... for it to be happening already is a very good sign.

It's a rollercoaster... even the good news (like what we found out today) can leave you feeling worse. As the time creeps on, it seems like it occupies more and more of our thoughts. There's such an obvious hole in our family... Jessica and I both want to be parents again and Connor is such a sweet and wonderful kid... he's going to be an incredible big brother for Claire... even he can sense that our family is incomplete. The longer this goes, the more painful that missing piece of our family seems to become.

We'll continue to keep you posted on any news. Please pray for us to have peace as we wait and pray for our referral to come sooner rather than later... and join us as we celebrate having one year of waiting behind us. We're glad to have that one finished and as the Counting Crows once said... "there's reason to believe... maybe this year will be better than the last."

Disney!

We had a great trip to Disney. We discovered that the trip is much more enjoyable and easier to recover from if you fly instead of driving twelve hours on both ends. Connor really enjoyed his first plane ride! I think we are forever spoiled! Hopefully Allegiant Air will keep offering awesome deals so we never have to make that drive again!

At the last minute, my mom decided to come with us, so we decided to try to find a last minute deal on a house. We were so blessed to find a really nice 4 bedroom house just a few minutes from Disney for less than we were going to pay for the hotel room! We really enjoyed having the space. We always say we are going to stay at a Disney resort the next trip, but we always end up getting a house. It is always such a better deal!

Day one at Disney was on Monday. It was an early morning since our flight got in pretty late, and we had a long drive from the airport. We spent the entire day at the Magic Kingdom, and by the entire day, I mean 14 hours! We had so much fun! It is still Connor's favorite park, and I know he's going to outgrow it soon. The thought makes me sad!

Day two was split between Hollywood Studios (which we still kept calling MGM, much to the employees' objection) and Epcot. Connor's goal before we even left was to get picked for the Jedi Training Camp at MGM. He was so excited to be chosen to fight Darth Vader and it pretty much made his whole trip. He even told me today, "Mom, you need to print off a picture of me fighting Darth Vader because no one at school is going to believe me!" We got to ride the new Toy Story ride, which was so much fun! We hung out at Epcot that evening, and of course no trip to Disney is complete without getting a box full of pastries in France. YUMMY! So glad that's only a once a year thing or we'd be in trouble!

Day three, Greg and I celebrated our ninth anniversary. Connor started feeling pretty yucky on Tuesday, so Nana, Mimi, and Connor stayed behind at the house and rested. Greg and I took the Magic Kingdom's "Keys to the Kingdom Tour" and it was so neat! We got to see all the behind the scenes stuff, rode a couple of rides, and found out all kind of interesting information. It was five hours well spent! That night we all went to Downtown Disney to eat at Wolfgang Puck's, do a little souvenir shopping, and we enjoyed some margaritas down by the water.

Day four, our last day, was Thursday. We split the day between Epcot and Magic Kingdom. We raced to Epcot that morning to get fast passes for Soarin' my absolute favorite ride in all of Disney! We all rode Spaceship Earth for the first time, and Connor randomly said it was his favorite ride in all of Disney. Very strange choice! We spent the evening at Magic Kingdom, got some pics with Mickey and Minnie, and headed out early since we had to catch an early flight. We stopped at Cracker Barrel for a yummy dinner and raced home to pack. We had to be up at 3:30 a.m. to leave for the airport in time to catch our flight. It was ridiculous! However, it was nice curling up in my own bed at 10 a.m. on Friday and going back to sleep!

Every year at Disney just gets better! We had a great fourth annual trip and were so glad Nana joined us this year! We had a great time!

Another Update....

We leave for the annual Disney trip in two days and we are so excited! We changed our original plans, and ended up renting a house in Orlando to stay for the week. Originally we were just going to stay for a couple of days and go to my mother-in-law's house for a few days, but my mother-in-law has a client who is going to get us some free tickets. Who can turn down changing a 2 day Disney trip into a 4 day Disney trip...not us! Also, my mom decided to join us at the last minute, and we are so excited for her to go to Disney for the first time. Connor is going to have so much fun with his Nana and Mimi. I wonder if he'll notice Daddy and Mommy are even there!

I finally made a decision about school.....I'm going back! I sent in my deposit to hold my place in the program yesterday. It is a year-long program. I'll begin in August and end next summer. The program is fixing to completely change, so I needed to get in while the administrative endorsement was easier to get. Just when I was getting my student loans paid down, I have to take out more! It's so stressful, but something that I feel like if I'm going to do it, I need to do it now.

Everyone keeps asking us about the adoption. No, we haven't heard anything. No, we won't hear anything for probably about two years. Right now people are waiting for the average of 30 months for a referral, then add 8-10 more months for court papers to go through before they can even travel to get their child. We're approaching our 1 year mark in a few weeks. I am beyond frustrated with the adoption lately, and quite honestly if it weren't for Greg encouraging me to hang in there, I would have given up two months ago after returning from Taiwan and the reality check we were given by the orphanage director. I never wanted my kids 7 or 8 years apart and we decided not to go with China for that reason. I am not pretending anymore that I'm not frustrated or angry because I am. I'm ready to go ahead and get pregnant again, so, if God has a plan, I hope he gives me some encouragement soon, because quite frankly, I'm ready to surrender. It's hard when you do what you feel God has asked you to do and feel like you have been totally abandoned. Two years ago we felt the calling to adopt, we've been faithful and patient, but there is just a limit that I'm reaching where I am starting to really feel completely hopeless. Connor desperately wants a sibling and I do not want to wait three more years for a baby to come into our home. I've been holding all of this in for a while, only talking to my closest friends, but I just don't understand it all.

So, I've been trying to distract myself from adoption depression with different things! Part of the reason I'm going back to grad school again...distraction. I've also been working out like crazy, and now have a new obsession with Pilates. How you cannot break a sweat but get an unbelievable workout, I don't understand, but this is definitely for me! Working out has helped to eliminate almost all the pain that I was feeling on the right side of my body. I'm still having a few problems with my sciatic nerve, but it's definitely improving! Greg is doing an awesome job on his health kick too! I'm so proud of him! He's lost five pounds. Connor loves going to the gym as well, and goes to "Kid's Club." It's been really fun to get healthy as a family. Another distraction I've found lately is with coupons. If you know me, you know I love a good deal, but lately I've been actively trying to see how much money I can save. It's like a game to me, and I'm having fun! Everything from eating out to groceries to stores, I'm getting some good deals!

Well, our next update will be from Disney! I can't wait to see Mickey! We'll let you know how Connor's first plane ride goes! Hope everyone has a great Spring Break!