Saturday was the official one year mark of waiting for Claire, but really this month marks two years of waiting. We decided to adopt in April of '07, with the intention of adopting from China, but then switching to Taiwan in November of '08 to avoid a long wait. China's wait is still ridiculous, but we definitely haven't avoided the long wait.
Last week was for sure, one of the most difficult weeks of my 30 years. We found out Monday that our file had been shown to a birthmother, and that she hadn't chosen us. We also found out that another couple from our agency in our program got a referral. While we are joyful that there is movement in our program, and our file is actively being shown, it was still hard to not be the one getting the referral. I pretty much fell apart on Monday morning, and have slowly put the pieces back together over the past week. I think I'm better now, I'm just so exhausted, and it's not shocking that I have a horrible migraine today. But, I did learn a few things this past week...some adoption related and some not:
1. I have an amazing husband who pushes me and sticks by me when I want to give up. He never lets me get away with anything, and it makes me so mad sometimes. He knows what I'm capable of and the deepest desires of my heart, and he never lets me settle for anything less.
2. I have the sweetest little boy! He told me all week that he was "taking care of me" because I was having a hard week. He also now holds doors for me and any ladies he sees while we're out. He always says, "Ladies first!" It cracks me up! I ran into a former student last week, and Connor just randomly sticks out his hand and shakes the little boy's hand and says, "Nice to meet ya!" Hilarious! He has his moments, he gets a little wound up, but he truly is a really, really great kid!
3. Enrolling your baby for Kindergarten is horrible! You better believe that I teared up right there in that school office! It can't be time!
4. Apparently my hip, knees, and ankles are shot at the ripe ole' age of 30! I started physical therapy for sciatic nerve pain that has been appearing off and on since August. So it seems that being super flexible was beneficial for dancing most of my life, and not so much as I'm getting older. I was told to stop running which totally stinks, because I was shaving time off my mile like crazy and was planning on running a 5K soon. My PT says I might be able to start running again if we can get everything strengthened up. It's a fun day when your therapist brings over other therapists to look at your range of motion, your knees, and your ankles, and they all exclaim, "Wow!"
5. There is NEVER a reason to pay full price for any toiletry item, paper product, cleaning product, etc. if you will just clip coupons from your Sunday paper and watch the sales ads. This week I got all these items for free or under $1: Toothpaste, deoderant, Glade Plug-Ins, various cleaning products, papertowels, washing detergent, razors, etc. etc. etc. I also bought two weeks worth of groceries for $100 and used $40 in coupons!
6. I am ready for a new house! I'm ready for a bigger yard for my kids to run around in! Hopefully the economy starts looking up soon, so we can possibly move in the next two years! I'm ready to be where we're going to be for the next 20 years, and that is definitely not here!
7. I don't know why we were asked to adopt. I don't know why I didn't feel led to just get pregnant two years ago when we wanted to add to our family. I don't know why we've been asked to have our children 6 years or more apart. I don't like not knowing why, and I certainly don't like not getting my way! I do know that I can't wait for the day I get my baby girl's picture and I know the answers to all of those questions!
8. God is real, his timing is definitely not our timing, and you can hate it all you want, but there is nothing you can do but trust.
Monday, April 13, 2009
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4 comments:
You and Greg and Connor are just truly amazing people! Thanks for sharing.
Jessica and Greg,
I'm so sorry that the wait has been difficult for you guys-- I'm too understand the "wait depression" and that is the most difficult times get through--but you said it best "it's his timing" and he is testing you too. We keep praying through the dark days when our Russian child was gone forever, when we had a miscarriage & failed IVF/IUI'S--we never gave up hope & passion for our love of having a child- we hunger for this child. And that's how we came up with our blog name "The Chosen child" because we knew God has already chosen this child for us. I finally let God take over the direction of our journey---and oh, what a relief! I've never felt so peaceful with all our decisions with Taiwan, our agency & orphanage! They're outstanding! You're with a excellent agency, and a wonderful orphanage (you guys already know that from your trip) & program. They're are so MANY bad agencies & programs that do not care about the children, they're a business--sad to say, but it is true.
-- It's a great sign that your profile being shown. We will keep you guys in our prayers..
Take care,
Debbie & Brian
That's a lot of learning! :)
My heart hurts for you while you wait...it is oh so hard...and lots of "other people" really don't understand. It is hard to hear other people say "it's worth the wait" when you're waiting. It's like the longest labor in the history of womankind! And yet I can sit here with a smile on my face and hope in my heart because I know that the day WILL come when Claire will be shown to you for the first time and your hearts will not be able to contain the joy you will feel. Praying for that day to come sooner than later.
Hugs,
Holly
Hey, Jessica,
Stopped by to check on adoption news. I don't like to ask Greg because it used to drive me crazy when well-meaning folks would ask me if I'd heard anything about the adoption. As if I'd hear something and keep a lid on it!!!
Waiting is the worst part, then after the fact the memory fades and parts of it start to make sense. For example, our agency lost some paperwork for two months-- very frustrating at the time. Now we know that Hannah's birth mother had not relinquished her immediately, but TWO MONTHS later after trying to parent. So the two month stateside SNAFU put us in the queue to get paired with Hannah.
Now I can't imagine enduring an adoption wait with starting kindergarten-- you're a better woman than I am. I seriously considered putting Ethan's old baby monitor in his backpack on the first day and spending the day in the parking lot to listen to his class. I'm so glad I didn't make the boy wear a wire on his first day of school.
Hang in there. You're in our prayers. Paula
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