We found out today that while we are in Taiwan we are going to meet Claire's maternal grandfather. Her birth mother does not wish to meet us and has had some fairly serious legal problems. In fact, as of right now the social workers do not even know where she is. I was very surprised in light of that to find out that the grandfather has requested to meet with us and that meeting will happen in our hotel on Saturday, February 6th.
Claire has two half sisters and this man has custody of one of them. We do not know if he will bring her with him to the meeting but we are hopeful.
I've been thinking today of what it is we should say to this man to set his mind at ease. I imagine he wants to meet us to have a chance to say goodbye to his grand-daughter who he will most likely never see again. What a moment that will be... I cannot imagine. I feel the need to have some idea of what I want to say to him before we meet... something that will put his mind at ease... something that will give him comfort that little Hsiang-Ting (Claire) is going to be alright in her new life. Something to let him know that we are kind and loving and that we are going to do everything in our power to give this little girl a wonderful life. I hope he will believe us and go away from our meeting with at least a little bit of peace.
We know next to nothing about this man. We know that Claire's birth mother asked him to take Claire and he told her he could not afford to take one more child. Putting Claire up for international adoption was his idea and Claire's birth mother agreed to it. We owe this man an incredible debt of gratitude. He probably does not speak English and even though I can say "Thank You" in Mandarin (thanks to Ni Hao Kai-Lan) somehow I know that won't even begin to be enough.
Even though I will probably be anxious about this meeting right up until the moment it happens, I am so grateful we are going to have this opportunity.
I think of Connor's early life... In my iPhoto library on my laptop I have over 3000 pictures from just his first 3 years alone. We have pictures of Connor with all of his family, including some who have since passed away. Every picture is a treasure. Those of you with children understand this. With Claire though, it's different. We have 20 pictures from a day in October when a social worker took her to a playground. We have about 10 pictures from a day in April where she played in a park for a little while. We have about 20 pictures taken at random times during her 2nd year of life while she was living in the orphanage... and that's it. No pictures of her birth mother, grandparents, siblings, or friends. Not one. This might be our only chance to have a picture of her with her birth family. What a treasure that will be for her someday.
Friday, January 15, 2010
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2 comments:
HI. I found your blog on the Taiwan group. We brought our daughter home from Taiwan in 2008, and were fortunate enough to spend over 3 hours with her birth mom. It was a priceless time, and we were so blessed to be able to video tape all of it (after we asked her permission). We also have priceless pictures, and were able to ask for pictures she had of Zoe previously. It's a wonderful opportunity...I'm so glad you will have that with your daughter's grandfather.
Yes, this meeting will be an experience you will always remember, and a beautiful story to tell Claire as she grows- to let her know that he cared so much to come and meet with you. He is probably just as nervous. Just tell him (through your interpreter) all those things you just said in the post. Let him know that you will love her as if she were your own bio child. You may mention that you will teach her about her culture and that you plan to give her a good education. I've read that these are very important points for Taiwanese.
Blessings!
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