Friday, July 17, 2009

July 18th, 2009.

(From Greg)

As I write this here in East Tennessee at 11:00 in the morning, on the other side of the world the clock has rolled over and a new day has begun in Taiwan. It is July the 18th and at some point today my daughter Claire will turn two years old.

I was born on October 30th, 1974 a little after 7:00 in the morning. I know this because for years my mom would call me early in the morning on my birthday every year and give me the old "do you know what I was doing at this time 27 years ago???" line. I never knew what to say... "Um... I give up. Were you screaming and cussing out dad?"

Smart alec answers aside, I always appreciated my mom's early morning calls on my birthday... it told me how much she loved me and that not only was the day of my birth worth celebrating but even the moment of my birth was worth remembering. Sure, it's a small thing but a large collection of small things is how a person comes to know that they are loved.

I will probably never know the exact moment of Claire's birth. I'll never know if it was morning, afternoon, or evening... if the sky was sunny or clouded... who witnessed her emergence into this world... what her first moments with her birth mother were like... these things will remain a mystery to me. Adoption is a wonderful thing with a lot to celebrate but there is plenty to mourn as well. When our daughter comes home it will be easy to focus on all that we have gained... but let us not forget all we have lost.

Claire has now lived two years of her life being bounced around between orphanages and a foster home. As far as she can tell, she has no mother and no father... just caregivers who randomly seem to come and go. Hopefully they are kind to her. I wonder if she loves them... I wonder if they love her. I wonder when she spoke her first word and what it was. Did anyone even hear? Did anyone care? When she took her first steps, did anyone even notice?
I'm thinking of all of the treasured moments of Connor's first two years of life... first words, first laughs, learning to crawl and then walk, his first time going down a slide, and his first time dipping his toes in the ocean. I cherish every one of those memories. I know that a lifetime of memories with Claire are ahead of us as well and I know that there is so much joy to come but that future joy for now is tinged with the sadness of all that we have lost.
Even as I sit here now and think about these things, I have to remember that for as much as I have lost, Claire will have lost even more. As our plane lifts off from Taiwan to journey over the ocean and back home to Tennessee, our little girl will be saying goodbye to every single thing she has ever known. Her friends... her caregivers... her bed... her favorite foods... her language... her homeland... gone.

I don't know what our first days with our new daughter will be like but I do know that she is going to be grieving all that she has lost. I don't know how she is going to do this... some adopted children rage and lash out while others simply withdraw and go quiet. Who could blame them? I am praying even now that we will be equipped to comfort her... to help her through the transition into her new life. How will we do this.... the words of comfort she would understand can only be spoken in a language we do not know. God grant us patience, peace, and wisdom.

So, today my daughter turns two. I have no idea what this day will hold for her... I like to imagine that her foster family in Taiwan will have a celebration. Maybe some of her friends from pre-school will come over and there will be cake and ice cream... perhaps they will sing a song to her and she will end up with icing all over her face. Maybe she will celebrate... or maybe it will be just another day. Like so many other things, I will probably never know.

Here in Tennessee, we celebrated Claire's birthday by having a garage sale. We've spent the last week emptying closets and drawers... shelves and storage tubs. I've never seen so much stuff in our garage and hopefully all of it will be sold. All of the money we make today is going towards buying Claire's bedroom furniture. Connor is sitting at a table selling brownies and drinks with a sign that says "Snacks for my Sissy". Claire is heavy on all of our minds today but we're keeping busy... moving forward... wading our way through this wait the only way we know how. We're a little sad but also incredibly hopeful and excited. We know that next year we will celebrate this day very differently. It's going to be an incredible party... we'll have a lot of lost time to make up for. I can't wait.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Adoption Fundraiser - Family Songs Sampler



Greg writing here...

What you see above is an album of original songs I have put together called "Family Songs Sampler". It's a collection of songs from 3 of my albums, plus a couple of early home demos. All of the songs in this collection are about family... there are love songs, songs about being a parent, even a song I recorded about adoption (the great Julie Miller song "By Way of Sorrow"). As I've played shows all over the place these past few years, without exception these songs have been the most popular.


Just click on the widget above and you will be given the opportunity to download this entire collection of songs. Noisetrade (the company I'm using to create the widget) gives you the option to either email 5 friends about the music or to make a paypal donation. Any amount is fine... from $1 to $25 and all points in between. We receive 90% of that and we'll be putting every penny of it towards our adoption.

To be clear, you can either make a donation or email 5 friends to let them know about the music so if you want the music for free, you can do that.

Anyway, I'm not super comfortable with the whole fundraising idea... I'd rather have a garage sale. But if you're so inclined, please download the music and either make a small donation or help us to spread the word. Thanks.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Adoption Frequently Asked Questions - Post Referral Edition

So now that we have received our referral and we know that Claire will be coming home soon, I figured I would take this opportunity to answer a few more of our most frequently asked questions. You can read the original post here.

When will you bring Claire home? There's really no way to know an exact answer to that question. Best case scenario would be October and the worst case scenario would be more like February or March.

Why does it take so long?
After receiving our referral on June 18th, we had to sign and date about 7 pages worth of adoption contracts. Those had to be sent to Kansas (where our agency is) and then to Taiwan. Taiwan then sent us a bunch of documents that we had to sign and have notarized and then state certified (which required a trip to Nashville) and those documents are currently at the TECO office in Atlanta which is basically the Taiwanese embassy. Once those documents make their way back to Taiwan we will go into the court system. We'll have an initial hearing where the judge will be presented all of our documents and a social worker acting on our behalf in Taiwan will request permission for us to adopt. From there it's a 10 day waiting period for birth parents to sign off on everything. Then, whenever the judge gets around to it you'll either get a ruling or he'll request more information. I don't know exactly how the system works but it seems like it can either go really quick or really slow... luck of the draw I guess. Once the judge grants a ruling, they'll make an appointment for us to take Claire to get a Visa and that will be our travel date... it's usually about 3-4 weeks after the final ruling.

Where is Claire right now?
Claire is in a foster home in Taiwan. She was in an orphanage until April but at that point she moved to foster care. We're excited about this as it means she is more than likely receiving more attention and care. She's even attending preschool!

How were you matched with Claire?
Was it random? Did you choose her? Claire's birth mother decided to place Claire for international adoption in late April and then in mid May, they presented her with several potential families and the birth mother chose us. She has requested that we send her 20 pictures and a short video every year for 15 years which we think is great. She will send cards every year on Claire's birthday and at Chinese New Year.

Will we be able to communicate with Claire while we wait?
Unfortunately, no. Due to cultural and language barriers, waiting families usually don't communicate with foster families which I can understand. The good news is that we will be able to send her care packages if we like... we're working on getting the first one together now and we're hoping to send it out soon so it will get to her around the time of her birthday (she'll be 2 on July 18th).

What is Claire's name right now?
Hsiang-Ting Hung but everyone calls her Mei-Mei.

Will she be able to speak English?
We don't know for sure but almost certainly the answer will be no. Obviously this will be challenging at first but based on everything we've read, she should be able to pick up English at an astonishing rate due to her age.

Won't she be so excited to come home to her forever family?
I'll post more in depth on this topic later but in short, probably not at first. Claire has grown up around Taiwanese people (mostly women)... and now she's going to be put in the hands of 2 strangers who don't speak her language, who smell funny to her, who don't know how to make her favorite foods, and who look unusual. Most likely, she'll spend a few days freaking completely out! Think about what your child would have done if at 2 and a half years old you sent them to live in Taiwan with strangers... it's going to be an adjustment for sure! There are lots of tricky things to think of here... attachment issues and things like that and I'll probably post more about it later. I'm reading some books on it and trying to educate myself and once I feel like I know a little more I'll write a bit about it.

She's so cute! I bet you can't wait to get her home!
You're right! She's adorable and no, we cannot wait to bring her home! These next few months will be excruciating... we have a lot to do though... a room to paint and a nursery to put together so hopefully those things will keep us busy as we wait.