Saturday was the official one year mark of waiting for Claire, but really this month marks two years of waiting. We decided to adopt in April of '07, with the intention of adopting from China, but then switching to Taiwan in November of '08 to avoid a long wait. China's wait is still ridiculous, but we definitely haven't avoided the long wait.
Last week was for sure, one of the most difficult weeks of my 30 years. We found out Monday that our file had been shown to a birthmother, and that she hadn't chosen us. We also found out that another couple from our agency in our program got a referral. While we are joyful that there is movement in our program, and our file is actively being shown, it was still hard to not be the one getting the referral. I pretty much fell apart on Monday morning, and have slowly put the pieces back together over the past week. I think I'm better now, I'm just so exhausted, and it's not shocking that I have a horrible migraine today. But, I did learn a few things this past week...some adoption related and some not:
1. I have an amazing husband who pushes me and sticks by me when I want to give up. He never lets me get away with anything, and it makes me so mad sometimes. He knows what I'm capable of and the deepest desires of my heart, and he never lets me settle for anything less.
2. I have the sweetest little boy! He told me all week that he was "taking care of me" because I was having a hard week. He also now holds doors for me and any ladies he sees while we're out. He always says, "Ladies first!" It cracks me up! I ran into a former student last week, and Connor just randomly sticks out his hand and shakes the little boy's hand and says, "Nice to meet ya!" Hilarious! He has his moments, he gets a little wound up, but he truly is a really, really great kid!
3. Enrolling your baby for Kindergarten is horrible! You better believe that I teared up right there in that school office! It can't be time!
4. Apparently my hip, knees, and ankles are shot at the ripe ole' age of 30! I started physical therapy for sciatic nerve pain that has been appearing off and on since August. So it seems that being super flexible was beneficial for dancing most of my life, and not so much as I'm getting older. I was told to stop running which totally stinks, because I was shaving time off my mile like crazy and was planning on running a 5K soon. My PT says I might be able to start running again if we can get everything strengthened up. It's a fun day when your therapist brings over other therapists to look at your range of motion, your knees, and your ankles, and they all exclaim, "Wow!"
5. There is NEVER a reason to pay full price for any toiletry item, paper product, cleaning product, etc. if you will just clip coupons from your Sunday paper and watch the sales ads. This week I got all these items for free or under $1: Toothpaste, deoderant, Glade Plug-Ins, various cleaning products, papertowels, washing detergent, razors, etc. etc. etc. I also bought two weeks worth of groceries for $100 and used $40 in coupons!
6. I am ready for a new house! I'm ready for a bigger yard for my kids to run around in! Hopefully the economy starts looking up soon, so we can possibly move in the next two years! I'm ready to be where we're going to be for the next 20 years, and that is definitely not here!
7. I don't know why we were asked to adopt. I don't know why I didn't feel led to just get pregnant two years ago when we wanted to add to our family. I don't know why we've been asked to have our children 6 years or more apart. I don't like not knowing why, and I certainly don't like not getting my way! I do know that I can't wait for the day I get my baby girl's picture and I know the answers to all of those questions!
8. God is real, his timing is definitely not our timing, and you can hate it all you want, but there is nothing you can do but trust.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Finally Found Claire's Nursery!!!!
I have two things for Claire! I have a precious sweater made by her Mimi, and I have a baby sling. That's it! I haven't allowed myself to buy anything, because it just makes it so hard having all of it around while you are waiting. I told myself that once we hit the one year mark, I'd slowly begin to get some things here and there. I know it's strange, but I guess when you're in this position, you just do as many things as you can to make it easier! We're hitting the one year mark on Saturday, so I had to announce to Greg last night that the shopping will now begin!!
Although I haven't bought anything, I've been looking for Claire's nursery for over a year! I have not been able to find anything that I just love until yesterday! I thought I'd look on the internet on my lunch break, and I can't believe that I found it! It is exactly what I've been looking for, simple and calming...and to top it all off it's monogrammed, and if you know me, you know I adore monogramming! We have to update our homestudy in the Fall, and I'd like to send a new picture book since the pictures they have will be two years old at that point. I'd love to include a picture of her nursery with it! Looks like I've found my summer project!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Adoption Frequently Asked Questions
Greg again.......
I read one of these on another adoption blog and thought it might be useful for us to have one of these since we get asked a lot of the same questions over and over. Please know, we don't mind you asking and we love talking about our adoption so if you've asked one of these questions, please don't feel like it annoyed us... not at all. We just wanted to put all of these answers in one place.
Why are you adopting from Taiwan?
Our original plan was to adopt from China. Unfortunately as we learned more and more about the China adoption process, it became evident to us that we needed to look in another direction. Wait times in China have gone to over 5 years from start of process to referral (and 5 years is being kind based on the current speed... if they maintain the pace they've had for the past year it would be a 9 year wait). We looked into Taiwan, Nepal, Vietnam, and Korea. After looking over all of them, we felt like Taiwan was the best fit for our family. After visiting Taiwan last December, that decision was 100% confirmed... we fell in love with Taiwan... it feels like home.
When will Claire be here?
We wish we knew! We "officially" got in line on April 11th, 2008. From that date, we were told 18-24 months until referral. That's just a guess... not a guarantee. Some families are currently waiting much longer than that... some less. After referral, it will take anywhere from 4-8 more months before all of the paperwork and court proceedings will be finished. So the soonest we would hope to have Claire home would be early 2010 and the longest would be mid to late 2011. We're praying for early 2010.
How old will Claire be when she comes home?
Good question... when we get the referral she will be anywhere from 2 months to a year old. The average wait to travel is about 6 months so the youngest she would be is probably 8 months and the oldest is about 18. We're really, really hoping for younger. Obviously the older she gets, the more challenging the adjustment period will be.
How will you be matched with Claire?
Almost every country has a different process... I've been surprised at the number of people who think there is a catalog full of babies and we just pick one out. They're confusing that with mail order brides. At Cathwel, the orphanage we are working with in Taiwan, they work with the birth mother to place their child with a family the birth mother is comfortable with. At some point, a birth mom who has just had a little girl will be presented with 4 or 5 families to choose from. Every family has provided a detailed home study, a picture album, and a short one page letter to the birth mother. At some point God willing, our file will be presented and a birth mother will choose us.
Can you guys not just have another kid on your own?
As far as we know, we can. We had Connor without too much trouble and there is no medical issue keeping us from having another child. We have chosen to adopt because we believe it is something God has called us to do. Jessica and I both have felt called to deeper service and when we looked at the world we realized that there were a million problems we didn't have the means to solve but taking in an orphan was something we could do. As far as we're concerned, Claire is already a part of her family... we just haven't met her yet.
How much is this going to cost?
Wow... getting a bit personal aren't you? Well, since you asked I don't mind talking about it. I'll break it down:
* Homestudy - $1000
* Application fee - $200
* Agency fees - $2500
* Homeland Security paperwork (I-600A) - $700
* Various paperwork and up front fees - about $1000
* Orphanage / Taiwan court fees - $10,000
* Travel expenses - $5000
Out of that, we've already spent close to $5000. All we really have coming up is our orphanage fee which we'll pay upon referral... that will be $10,000 all in one chunk. 4-6 months after that we will have to pay to travel... along with an extra plane ticket home for Claire. Grant total... about 20,000. We also took a trip to Taiwan already which set us back about $4,000. So when it's all said and done, this process will be nearly $25,000.
Greg's a pastor, Jessica's a teacher... how can you afford that?
There's a very simple answer to that... we rob liquor stores. Okay, not really... there are two simple answers though. (1) Dave Ramsey. Seriously... do his system. It works. We're almost out of debt and our finances have never been better, even with the economy being so horrible. Ramsey is the man. (2) God will provide. When we started this, we KNEW we couldn't afford it. We still can't... but God has made a way. When we needed $2500 for our agency fee, we didn't have it... until we got a completely unexpected gift from my sweet grandmother. We couldn't afford our trip to Taiwan... until I was hired to design a website which paid for our entire hotel bill for the week we were there. There have been a lot of little things like that... things that just fall into our laps at just the right time. We're currently saving the $10,000 for our orphanage fee. We're nowhere close and I'm not real sure where it's going to come from but I know it will be there. We said it when we started and we'll say it now... if God asked us to do this (and we believe he did), then He will make sure we can pay for it. I still don't know how that's going to work, but so far, it has.
How long will you be in Taiwan when you go to get Claire?
Taiwan only requires that we be there about a week. Once we arrive in Taipei, we'll probably be able to pick up Claire the very next day. We'll have a couple of court appointments that week and after that we can come home.
Will Connor go with you?
If he's six, no. If he's eight, probably.
Okay... that's all the questions I could think of... if you have any other questions you've been wondering about but didn't want to ask, now's your chance. Just leave them in the comments and I'll update this post to include your questions.
I read one of these on another adoption blog and thought it might be useful for us to have one of these since we get asked a lot of the same questions over and over. Please know, we don't mind you asking and we love talking about our adoption so if you've asked one of these questions, please don't feel like it annoyed us... not at all. We just wanted to put all of these answers in one place.
Why are you adopting from Taiwan?
Our original plan was to adopt from China. Unfortunately as we learned more and more about the China adoption process, it became evident to us that we needed to look in another direction. Wait times in China have gone to over 5 years from start of process to referral (and 5 years is being kind based on the current speed... if they maintain the pace they've had for the past year it would be a 9 year wait). We looked into Taiwan, Nepal, Vietnam, and Korea. After looking over all of them, we felt like Taiwan was the best fit for our family. After visiting Taiwan last December, that decision was 100% confirmed... we fell in love with Taiwan... it feels like home.
When will Claire be here?
We wish we knew! We "officially" got in line on April 11th, 2008. From that date, we were told 18-24 months until referral. That's just a guess... not a guarantee. Some families are currently waiting much longer than that... some less. After referral, it will take anywhere from 4-8 more months before all of the paperwork and court proceedings will be finished. So the soonest we would hope to have Claire home would be early 2010 and the longest would be mid to late 2011. We're praying for early 2010.
How old will Claire be when she comes home?
Good question... when we get the referral she will be anywhere from 2 months to a year old. The average wait to travel is about 6 months so the youngest she would be is probably 8 months and the oldest is about 18. We're really, really hoping for younger. Obviously the older she gets, the more challenging the adjustment period will be.
How will you be matched with Claire?
Almost every country has a different process... I've been surprised at the number of people who think there is a catalog full of babies and we just pick one out. They're confusing that with mail order brides. At Cathwel, the orphanage we are working with in Taiwan, they work with the birth mother to place their child with a family the birth mother is comfortable with. At some point, a birth mom who has just had a little girl will be presented with 4 or 5 families to choose from. Every family has provided a detailed home study, a picture album, and a short one page letter to the birth mother. At some point God willing, our file will be presented and a birth mother will choose us.
Can you guys not just have another kid on your own?
As far as we know, we can. We had Connor without too much trouble and there is no medical issue keeping us from having another child. We have chosen to adopt because we believe it is something God has called us to do. Jessica and I both have felt called to deeper service and when we looked at the world we realized that there were a million problems we didn't have the means to solve but taking in an orphan was something we could do. As far as we're concerned, Claire is already a part of her family... we just haven't met her yet.
How much is this going to cost?
Wow... getting a bit personal aren't you? Well, since you asked I don't mind talking about it. I'll break it down:
* Homestudy - $1000
* Application fee - $200
* Agency fees - $2500
* Homeland Security paperwork (I-600A) - $700
* Various paperwork and up front fees - about $1000
* Orphanage / Taiwan court fees - $10,000
* Travel expenses - $5000
Out of that, we've already spent close to $5000. All we really have coming up is our orphanage fee which we'll pay upon referral... that will be $10,000 all in one chunk. 4-6 months after that we will have to pay to travel... along with an extra plane ticket home for Claire. Grant total... about 20,000. We also took a trip to Taiwan already which set us back about $4,000. So when it's all said and done, this process will be nearly $25,000.
Greg's a pastor, Jessica's a teacher... how can you afford that?
There's a very simple answer to that... we rob liquor stores. Okay, not really... there are two simple answers though. (1) Dave Ramsey. Seriously... do his system. It works. We're almost out of debt and our finances have never been better, even with the economy being so horrible. Ramsey is the man. (2) God will provide. When we started this, we KNEW we couldn't afford it. We still can't... but God has made a way. When we needed $2500 for our agency fee, we didn't have it... until we got a completely unexpected gift from my sweet grandmother. We couldn't afford our trip to Taiwan... until I was hired to design a website which paid for our entire hotel bill for the week we were there. There have been a lot of little things like that... things that just fall into our laps at just the right time. We're currently saving the $10,000 for our orphanage fee. We're nowhere close and I'm not real sure where it's going to come from but I know it will be there. We said it when we started and we'll say it now... if God asked us to do this (and we believe he did), then He will make sure we can pay for it. I still don't know how that's going to work, but so far, it has.
How long will you be in Taiwan when you go to get Claire?
Taiwan only requires that we be there about a week. Once we arrive in Taipei, we'll probably be able to pick up Claire the very next day. We'll have a couple of court appointments that week and after that we can come home.
Will Connor go with you?
If he's six, no. If he's eight, probably.
Okay... that's all the questions I could think of... if you have any other questions you've been wondering about but didn't want to ask, now's your chance. Just leave them in the comments and I'll update this post to include your questions.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Adoption Update
Greg writing........
This coming Saturday is a big day in our adoption wait... this Saturday will be April 11th which will mark 1 year of waiting from our initial log-in date at Cathwel Services where we will be adopting from in Taiwan. When we started this process, we were told it would take us 18-24 months to get a referral (a referral is when we are matched with a child in Taiwan... we'll get pictures and a short video of the child) and then another 4-8 months after that before all of the court processes and paperwork would be finished so we could go and bring her home.
I'll be honest... these 12 months have not been all that difficult... until recently. There is one great discourager for those waiting for adoptions and I've been guilty of drinking from that fountain a bit too often lately... I'm talking about internet adoption forums.
Over on the Taiwan adoption groups, it seems that many people who were told 18-24 months (by different agencies... not ours) have now been waiting well beyond 24 months... some as many as 30-31 months and still don't have a referral. If you were in my shoes, this would be incredibly discouraging to you... you kind of prepare yourself for how long you think you can wait and 24 months to us is an eternity... the thought of waiting longer than that is almost unbearable.
What makes it so tough is that we're watching Connor grow up before our eyes. He's 5 years old now... if our wait stretches to the worst case scenario of let's say 36 months... add 6 months before we travel and that's 42 months... 30 months from now. Connor will be about to turn 8. That's not what we had in mind for our family. We realized that our kids were going to be pretty far apart but the thought of it going any further than we had originally anticipated is tough to swallow.
So yeah... lately the wait has been weighing heavily on us. It's so hard not knowing how long it's going to be... and knowing that some people out there are waiting 30 months plus is heartbreaking. I won't lie... we've thought about just trying to get pregnant and dropping out of the program.
However... God has a way of giving hope to the hopeless and I believe that came to us today. We found out this morning that another family from our agency received a healthy infant girl referral this past Friday... they waited only 8 months... the little girl is 2 months old. That's pretty huge... the biggest part of that news is that we found out that our dossier has been shown to a birth mother at least once. We weren't chosen, but we were presented. We didn't expect this to happen for many more months... for it to be happening already is a very good sign.
It's a rollercoaster... even the good news (like what we found out today) can leave you feeling worse. As the time creeps on, it seems like it occupies more and more of our thoughts. There's such an obvious hole in our family... Jessica and I both want to be parents again and Connor is such a sweet and wonderful kid... he's going to be an incredible big brother for Claire... even he can sense that our family is incomplete. The longer this goes, the more painful that missing piece of our family seems to become.
We'll continue to keep you posted on any news. Please pray for us to have peace as we wait and pray for our referral to come sooner rather than later... and join us as we celebrate having one year of waiting behind us. We're glad to have that one finished and as the Counting Crows once said... "there's reason to believe... maybe this year will be better than the last."
This coming Saturday is a big day in our adoption wait... this Saturday will be April 11th which will mark 1 year of waiting from our initial log-in date at Cathwel Services where we will be adopting from in Taiwan. When we started this process, we were told it would take us 18-24 months to get a referral (a referral is when we are matched with a child in Taiwan... we'll get pictures and a short video of the child) and then another 4-8 months after that before all of the court processes and paperwork would be finished so we could go and bring her home.
I'll be honest... these 12 months have not been all that difficult... until recently. There is one great discourager for those waiting for adoptions and I've been guilty of drinking from that fountain a bit too often lately... I'm talking about internet adoption forums.
Over on the Taiwan adoption groups, it seems that many people who were told 18-24 months (by different agencies... not ours) have now been waiting well beyond 24 months... some as many as 30-31 months and still don't have a referral. If you were in my shoes, this would be incredibly discouraging to you... you kind of prepare yourself for how long you think you can wait and 24 months to us is an eternity... the thought of waiting longer than that is almost unbearable.
What makes it so tough is that we're watching Connor grow up before our eyes. He's 5 years old now... if our wait stretches to the worst case scenario of let's say 36 months... add 6 months before we travel and that's 42 months... 30 months from now. Connor will be about to turn 8. That's not what we had in mind for our family. We realized that our kids were going to be pretty far apart but the thought of it going any further than we had originally anticipated is tough to swallow.
So yeah... lately the wait has been weighing heavily on us. It's so hard not knowing how long it's going to be... and knowing that some people out there are waiting 30 months plus is heartbreaking. I won't lie... we've thought about just trying to get pregnant and dropping out of the program.
However... God has a way of giving hope to the hopeless and I believe that came to us today. We found out this morning that another family from our agency received a healthy infant girl referral this past Friday... they waited only 8 months... the little girl is 2 months old. That's pretty huge... the biggest part of that news is that we found out that our dossier has been shown to a birth mother at least once. We weren't chosen, but we were presented. We didn't expect this to happen for many more months... for it to be happening already is a very good sign.
It's a rollercoaster... even the good news (like what we found out today) can leave you feeling worse. As the time creeps on, it seems like it occupies more and more of our thoughts. There's such an obvious hole in our family... Jessica and I both want to be parents again and Connor is such a sweet and wonderful kid... he's going to be an incredible big brother for Claire... even he can sense that our family is incomplete. The longer this goes, the more painful that missing piece of our family seems to become.
We'll continue to keep you posted on any news. Please pray for us to have peace as we wait and pray for our referral to come sooner rather than later... and join us as we celebrate having one year of waiting behind us. We're glad to have that one finished and as the Counting Crows once said... "there's reason to believe... maybe this year will be better than the last."
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